Siriusly Stretching the Truth
by Sirius' Sweetheart
Summary: Sirius tells the story to baby Harry how he plays matchmaker with his parents.


I, Sirius Orion Black, solemnly swear I am up to no good. Okay, in reality, I really am up to good as hard as it is to believe, but, don't tell Lily that. She'll incessantly deny it with every fiber of her being. Apparently, according to her, James is an arrogant, bullying, toe-rag, that she wouldn't go near with a twenty foot sharply pointed pole, even with her wand, if it weren't in chapter seventeen paragraph 37 of 'Hogwarts, A History' (that book is like her Bible, I swear. Bloody insane bird she is) that obscenely large sharp poles are _not_ allowed at Hogwarts. Personally, I think she's a tad bit off her rocker more than Dumbledore is off his, but that doesn't stop James from loving her.

Currently, the bugger is up in the dormitory moping about whilst acting pathetically depressed that Lily declined his hand in marriage. Again. The eighth time, actually. Now, it's all up to me to restore the un-natural balance of things. I'm guessing she's in the library at the mo' since she's the only Gryffindor besides Remus who's notorious for not having a life. The Maruaders know that isn't exactly the whole truth on Remus' side, but he's got a reputation to maintain or something. That's why I know both of them are in the library.

Also because two hours ago Remus told me, "I'm going to the library so that Lily can help me with Slughorn's bloody Potions essay."

I arrive in the library and there she is sitting peacefully at a smallish table near the stacks with her nose in a book that looks too heavy to be considered anything other than a brick made out of paper. Essentially that's what it felt like when I tried to move it five minutes later. I never really got the point of books, other than the kind that you drop on a greasy head gits named Severus Snape. Well, goodbye peaceful quietness, _hello_ loud and obnoxious Sirius Black.

"Hello, Lilykins!" I called in my most charming voice that was loud enough for the entire library to hear, no worries though, the librarian loves me. Some mildly disturbing obssession with my dashing good looks (Filch is jealous 'ol Pince has the hots for me. It's my theory to why he hates the Maruaders so much. I mean, honestly, how else could he hate _this?_) That charming voice I proudly call my own accompanied a grin that would make most girls' knees give out. Including our librarian's.

Psh. If she weren't sitting down I could almost guarantee the same reaction for her, James' bird that is.

"Black," she said in a peeved voice that hinted not very subtly that she wanted me to leave.

"Oh, why the long face?" I questioned, seeing as her face was in her hand, and her jaw clenched visibly.

"If you must know, you caused it. Now sod off."

"_Me_?" I gasped sarcastically.

"Yes, _you._ Now if you wouldn't mind, I would like it if you went away and left me _alone_."

"Well, fortunately for you, I do mind. I'm just going to sit right here and watch you. I'll be quiet I promise." Me? Quiet? Psh. Yeah right. She was wishing for a miracle that one.

"Fine." she snapped, and went back to her book.

I took a seat next to her, mirrored her position, and with bug eyes, I stared at her intensely. Randomly I started laughing to myself. This was just too funny. Oh, how I wished Prongs were here to see this. Snape was actually _spying_ on our dearest _Lily_. In the library of all places.

I had to act fast. This rare, slimy, git of a creature, could contaminate us at any second. I noticed that Lily felt the burning of his gaze on her back. She turned toward the bookshelf he was hiding behind and smiled to herself.

Knowing something was terribly wrong if she smiled because of Snape's gaze, and scowled because of James' obvious entrancement of her, I knew I had to take action immediately.

Just to bother her, I gasped loudly and pointed at her.

Before she could realize what I was doing, I got up and stood on my chair. I did a superhero pose, and said "Don't worry Lily! Sirius Black, the handsomest of all heroes, is here to save the day!"

A look of bewilderment just happened to cross her eyes when she realized what I was going to do to her.

"Sirius Black! Get _off_ the table. You're embarrassing me! Don't you dare-" She didn't even get to finish her sentence by the time I got to her. I scooped her up and threw her over my shoulders.

Laughing manically I grabbed both of our bags in one arm, and darted out the door. It really was a lost cause to attempt stopping me at this point. I'm not exactly sure why she tried...

_Birds. _Crazy lot they are.

Echoing through the corridor was Lily Evans' laughter. Merlin, I'll never forget her laugh. If James hadn't claimed her, at that moment I probably would have myself. I don't like Lily like that, even now, three years later.

I didn't slow down until we were outside the castle doors. The snow crunching beneath my trainers, I jogged up to the Marauders' special tree. James, who apparently decided to come out of the dorms since he was finished his five minute sulking period, Remus, and Peter were sitting there watching us. I gave James a quick wink and ran towards the lake. My plan was perfect. Infallible. Creative. Funny. And, like any good prank/amazing matchmaking plan, it had a good victim.

Lily was perfect to play the part. Really, she was.

It worked better than even I thought it would. Her flaming red hair contrasted perfectly with the murky brown water. Easy to find if the Squid decided to take her up on the offer of the date she mentioned back in fifth year during what we refer to as "The Fight." Of course there have been hundreds of James and Lily fights, but this fight was innumerably more serious.

It would have gone swimmingly! Lily just _had_ to be a party pooper though didn't she? It was all her fault. I mean how was _I _supposed to know she couldn't swim! That's James' job to know that! I mean, doesn't she know every seventeen year old should know how to swim? Especially the girls, because hello, bikinis. Apparently not, and she claims to be brilliant. Pah!

In my defense, James is the one in love with her, not me. That's probably why he yelled at me, "Padfoot! You dolt! She doesn't know how to swim!"

Taking off his cloak and robes, ol' Prongsie here just jumped into the lake and swam after Lily who was flapping her arms wildly, like one of those weird birds the Muggles call Pelicans, I think they are.

Well in short, my _brilliant_ plan worked! Kind of.

From the lake out came a dripping wet Lily and James! Haha. They looked so miserable. Lily started advancing towards me smiling in a sickly sweet manner. She spread her arms out and started chasing after me, demanding she give me a hug! Thankfully, being experienced in the matter of running away from girls who are obsessed with trying to hug me, I was able to stay away from her sopping and dripping figure.

What I _wasn't_ expecting was my best mate, my _brother_, to help her attack me! Some best mate he is. I was seriously considering finding a replacement at that point. After about five minutes of chasing they finally caught me.

I know, I thought it was impossible too.

After they got me all nice and wet Lily, predictably, started yelling. What a mouth that girl has. There must be some award to give her for it.

"Sirius Black! Thanks to your new, brilliant plan to make me miserable, my wand has gone missing in the lake! And I swear I felt something touch my ankle too! So you better get your skinny little arse in the lake and _find me my wand. _Now!" she shouted. I never knew a girl so small could look so scary.

"I'm not the one who lost it. Maybe you should take better care of your possessions." I taunted. Oh, what a mistake that was. Another thing to know about Lily Evans: She slaps hard. Very hard. Like, a bludger hitting a bat hard. I don't know how Prongs is still alive after all the times Lily's slapped him.

"_Accio_ Lily's wand." came James' voice from behind her. A faint splash of water could be heard, and the whizzing of a small object came into range.

"Thank you, James." Lily said curtly, with a quick hug and soft kiss on the lips she smiled! Actually _smiled_ at James. With one last glare at me, she left.

While it was my turn to sulk in my own stupidity of my brilliant plan, James had a look of pure ecstatic pleasure on his face.

"What are you smiling about?"

"She called me _James!_" he said dreamily, "AND she kissed me! This is the best day in the history of Hogwarts EVER!" he yelled.

Smiling smugly to myself I strutted back into the halls of Hogwarts bask in the glory of my own smartness.

"That baby Harry, is how your mum fell in love with your dad. The real version. Don't listen to them when they tell you I had nothing to do with it. They're still mad that they had a nice little swim in the lake during the middle of February. Don't worry, one day you'll become as smart and handsome as me." Sirius Black said reassuringly to the raven haired, emerald eyed baby in his arms...

**A/N: Ok, I had lots of fun writing this story! This is my first time writing in Sirius' POV. Review please!**


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